Monday, 19 March 2012

No more boozez for a whilez

I’m off the booze for a few months.

I’ve been thinking about this for a while and one of the reasons for writing this blog is because I no doubt will get a little backlash from some people who will now decide I am boring.

I have always had a tumultuous relationship with alcohol, namely due to the fact I can’t handle my drink. I never have been able to.

When I drank as a teenager it often resulted in blackouts, complete loss of any memory of a night even when I was reminded what happened I’d not remember at all.  It was enough to put me off drinking for years.

And then I started again. Now don’t get me wrong I’m not one of these people who think I’m some kind of alcoholic because of these blackouts or the fact I, on occasion, drink to excess. I can go for weeks/months without drinking but the majority of the time when I do it turns me into someone I don’t like very much.

I am super annoying, I say stupid things, I have on occasion upset people through thoughtlessness or just the fact they’re being left to manage me because I’ve got myself into such a state that I can’t manage myself.

Then there’s the waking up and that horrible sinking feeling of knowing that I don’t know how I got there but knowing full well that I have definitely done something stupid as being in the state where I blackout inevitably means I was super drunk.

It’s also not a good sign when people give your drunk self a name all of its own. “Party Stacey” makes me cringe, especially considering she’s so completely at contrast with sober me. Loud, brash, constantly wanting to be the centre of attention, not shutting up and letting anyone else speak, falling over, doing really stupid things. Sometimes I feel so despairing about it all I could cry.

I think of certain things that have happened when I’m drunk, things I am not so proud of that I’ve said or things that I’ve done that  other people might find funny but inside I just want to curl up tight into a ball and hide somewhere until no one can remember them.

It would all be okay if I could actually stop after a couple of drinks but I don’t seem to be able to do it, as soon as I get that fuzzy glow then that’s it. I’d like another drink, and then another etc.

I don’t know anyone who consistently acts like me when they are drunk. I have honestly never met anyone who does. I am the drunk mentalist, the Uncle Knobhead of my group of friends if you will.

The reason I’m sharing this:

Please don’t try and tell me to drink because you’d prefer it if I did, or that I’m being a spoilsport, or that you’d have more fun if I did.

Please don’t look at me with non alcoholic beverage in hand and think I’m boring, or that I think I’m better than anyone else or think I was more of a laugh when I did drink. These are all criticisms that will hurt my feelings.

Think about the times I’ve annoyed you, or the times I’ve done something stupid, or the times I’ve sat there with a hangover constantly worrying and doing your head in.

Think about how different you are to me when you’re drunk and the stuff I do that you don’t do.

And please understand that drinking really isn’t suited to everyone, especially a lightweight like me!



  1. Hey sweetie, as hard as it is to believe, I am EXACTLY the same as you.
    I drank heavily until i was 19, then gave up till i was 25 (ish).
    I then started dating a barman and got myself into some ridiculous states. i would be up at 6:30 for work, work until 5, go back out, meet my boy drink, drink and drink, go back to his sit up until 4am and then be up again at 6am. This went on for 3 months and i had no idea about how i was acting and how much of a fool I was making of myself. At the time i thought it was great - i had so many new friends, but it was only becuase i could get them cheaper drinks etc.
    I called it a day and stopped the drinking. I lost a lot of "friends" in the process but the ones who have stuck by me are my real friends, not the fake ones who were out for what they could get....
    Like you, i dont want sympathy but hey, hopefully this will make you feel like you're not alone
    *hugs* to you hun and well done on making a choice :)
    Jo xxx

  2. I replied to this on my phone which I think is why it didn't post. I've not had a hangover in over 3 years now - on the odd occasion I have drunk, something has held me back from getting pissed as I've suddenly realised I just don't like the feeling or myself or am too scared of the rancid hangover I'll suffer. I don't miss it one tiny bit. High fives to you x

  3. You know I will never try and make you drink. Each to their own and this is mostly the reason I don't often drink much as I don't like the way it makes me behave. I will still love you no matter what xxx

  4. Stacey, admittedly I have not seen you really drunk on that many occasions, but I have never thought of you as a particularly bad drunk - no more so than anyone else anyway! However, this is just to commend you on your decision - I know all too well that gut wrenching feeling of waking up knowing that you have embarrassed and/or disgraced yourself and upset numerous people along the way...I gave up drinking for January and am about to embark on another drink free month - it is much better for mental clarity and inner peace!! Good luck with it anyway - and also well done for such a well written blog post!
    Vicky xx